Fibro. sillys

I found a few funnies tonight on Butyoudontlooksick.com. Don't bother to read all of them, but some are pretty funny:

To whom it may concern:

Congratulations! You have been selected to be the host for (any chronic condition -- RA, FM, lupus, MS, you name it). You will begin to experience many or all of these symptoms -- and may even deal with several of them at the same time.

--Pain can be anywhere you can imagine. We are equal opportunity destroyers, therefore we will choose many places for you to experience pain. We have even devised many different types of pain -- it could be aching, stabbing, throbbing, tingling, burning, gripping, or cramping. We are continually improving our repertoire of pain categories, so updates are to be expected.

--Dizziness. This can be accompanied by nausea, mental confusion, ringing in the ears, vomiting, loss of coordination, and sensations of spinning, rocking, or shaking. We try to simulate the experience of riding a never-ending roller coaster to satisfy your adventurous spirit. No safety harnesses required, and you have no choice of when the coaster ride starts,ends, or how fast it goes.

--Extreme fatigue (Now remember, this is not just being "tired". We will suddenly "pull your plug", so to speak, and you will have NO energy at all. Even dressing or taking a shower will be too daunting of a task for you to complete. And because we like surprises, we will NOT give you any advance warning, so you could be in the middle of the grocery store, at work, playing with you kids, or trying to clean the house.)

--Poor balance, lack of coordination. Let's just say you may walk or talk like you are drunk -- even if you haven't had any alcohol recently. And for those of you who have never indulged in alcohol, you are now going to
understand what it is like to be drunk and to have a hangover.

--Forgetting, losing, dropping things. These are just a few of the perks of your condition. You will learn to expect them, but never to enjoy them.

In addition to the symptoms above, we also want to eliminate some things from your crowded lifestyle. Here are a few of the things which will be taken away from you now that you are chosen to have a chronic condition:

The ability to stand or walk for longer than 15 minutes without experiencing pain in you feet, ankles, knees, or legs.

The ability to sit for longer than 10 minutes without experience cramping in your legs and butt, or shooting pains in your back.

The ability to complete any task which requires more than 10 minutes of concentration, multi-step activities or long-term projects will take 2-3 times longer then average.

The ability to play and run with your children like you did before.

The ability to have a "normal" social life.

The ability to accumulate sick days at work/ school to earn the perfect attendance bonus.

As indicated previously, this condition is in constant flux and more symptoms will be added as we deem necessary. There is no warranty guarantee, technical support, or customer service available.

Sincerely,
Your chronic condition

written by Brandi Lasnick, © 2007 butyoudontlooksick.com

You know you have an Invisible Disease when..

Any conversation can suddenly turn into a round of "Charades".

You make a grocery list so you wont forget anything, and then forget where you put the list. (On a REALLY bad day, you also forget where the grocery store is!)

You bathe the lawn, fertilize the dog, and brush the kids.

You use the smoke detector to tell you when dinner is done.

You can't effectively argue with your husband anymore. ~ "I am mad as all heck at you! I just wish I could remember why! DAMMIT!"

Your wardrobe contains mostly sweat pants, stretch pants, T-shirts & a robe that never gets washed because that's all you wear most days.

You're on a first name basis with your Doctor & the ER staff.

You end up at the shop, then the doctor's, then college/work, when you actually intended to be going to the gym.

You can't remember if the post-it note telling you to remember to take your pills is from yesterday, and you haven't taken them today, or it's one that you just wrote to remind you tomorrow.

Your husband asks you to go and stir the beans in the kitchen and finds you brushing your teeth in the bathroom instead.

You bend over to tie your shoes and wonder, "What else can I accomplish while I'm down here?"

You find yourself at home, wishing that you were at work, wishing you were at home!

You leave your keys in the freezer for three days and only find them because your hubby decides to make dinner.

You call the same person three times in one day to tell them exactly what you told them the first time.

You call your husband by the dog's name on a continual basis and get angry when he doesn't answer.

You forget how to get back to your house that you have lived in for four years.

You knock yourself out by running into a cabinet door (tree, furniture etc..)

You wake up and can't remember your partner's name.

You search an entire day for your remote control and find it by accident in the crisper drawer of your refrigerator.

A simple trip to your mailbox makes your neighbors suspect that you are another neighbor's ("Crazy Mary") drinking buddy because you stumble, trip & weave.

You can play games with your family like "Guess This Rash".

Your day starts at 1pm and you say good morning to people.

You have red cheeks and everyone assumes you have sunburn!

Tying your sneaker laces seems like punishment.

When you go to the fridge, and stare at it wondering.. what the heck did I want now? Then remember 15 minutes later when the kids are looking at you wondering why you didn't feed them yet!

Go to the store to buy something specific... Buy the whole store.. and forget the one thing you went for in the first place.

When you tell people "Good Morning" in the afternoon so often they've stopped correcting you.

You've looked for your sun hat while wearing it.

You have to count the amount of pills left in the bottle to tell whether or not you remembered to take your pills that day.

The food delivery driver shows up at the door and compliments you on your new pajamas! (He was getting kinda tired of seeing the same ones all the time! )

You have to ask hubby to smell your hair before you get out of the shower, because you can't remember if you washed it or not.

Hubby calls you on your way home from picking up the kids from day camp, wondering where you are. (It's a 12 minute drive each way and you've been gone almost an hour. )

You're embarrassed to admit it's because you're lost, 3 miles from home.

You register a new number of a company so that you can pay your bill online, but forget to delete the old number of that company and continue to pay the old account.

You make plans in order to go shopping, and then can't remember where the heck you wanted to go or what you needed.

When someone asks you what happened, and in response to your confusion, points to a bruise that you didn't even know you had.

You get up to go to the bathroom (stupid diuretics) before you go to bed and get side tracked and FORGET you were going to sleep...

You are REMINDED that you were going to sleep, start to type a funny entry about having to be reminded you were going to sleep, and fall asleep... WHILE TYPING!!!!

You are TOTALLY slap-happy... Even after sleeping almost 12 hours!!!

It's 8pm on a Saturday. After sleeping until 11am, resting in the afternoon, and doing nothing all day, you're still so tired that you begin babbling about turkey fritters eating the rainbow. Come, 11 pm, you're so slap-happy that your boyfriend suggests sedatives, and can't remember the turkey thing.

You have three clocks in front of you and you still have to think about what time it is.

You fall asleep at your town's annual fireworks show because you're so fatigued.

You're heading to the bathroom and kick the dog toy. Limp to the couch to check out your toe. Forget what you where doing and start to watch TV.

You get thirsty, so you head to the kitchen for a drink and hit the dog toy again. Limp to the desk, see you have started to respond to thread but can't remember what you where saying. Later you have to go to the bathroom again and repeat almost the same steps over .

You forget yourself and run less than 25 feet and then spend the rest of the night in AGONY, taking everything you can think of to kill the pain.

You decide what to wear based on the size of your joints!

Your new favorite game is counting the number of new bruises you get in one day.

© 2006 Butyoudontlooksick.com